Even though I knew the benefits of giving up alcohol, I couldn’t quite get over the “I had a stressful day, I deserve a glass of wine” urge.

One day, as I was mindlessly scrolling, I stumbled upon a YouTube short where a woman was describing how she quit alcohol by using Allen Carr’s “Easy Way to Control Alcohol”. I was quite skeptical that a book could solve something this complex, but I decided to give it a try.

The key insight into Carr’s methods (he’s known for a series of books to help people stick with various tasks, like quitting smoking or diets) is that you can’t quit by sheer willpower. You have to truly stop desiring that thing you are giving up, otherwise you are simply torturing yourself. This was an “Aha!” moment for me. That was why giving up alcohol was harder: I don’t crave a Dr. Pepper anymore because it’s too sweet. But I want a nice glass of Chardonnay deep in the fiber of my being.

You might be thinking “Okay sure, but I can’t just stop wanting something! What now?”

Undo your “acquired taste”

Think back to the kinds of desserts you liked as a kid. Maybe it was a chocolate sundae with sprinkles or a brownie with extra frosting. Most likely, those desserts are way too sweet for you as an adult. Even if you tried to eat something like that, you would be repulsed after the first few bites and feel sick to your stomach. What gives???

Sweetness, like saltiness, spiciness, and alcohol, are acquired tastes. Good news! This means they can also be un-acquired tastes! Sure, there are some tastes that likely have to do with genetics like the “cilantro tastes like soap” gene, but many others can be more-or-less trained.

Arguably, the same is true for non-flavor-related habits. If you are used to getting a manicure once a month or watching TV for 5 hours a day, at first it might be depressing to stop. But after a while, you will adjust to the baseline and forget all about the thing you were giving up (see: Hedonic treadmill).

Action: set a goal to give up something for a short period of time (a week or a month) to “un-acquire” the taste.

To implement, “un-acquiring” a taste, try setting a goal of giving up that thing for a short amount of time (ex: Dry January – no drinking alcohol for the entire month!) Even if you slip up once or twice, the idea is to train your taste buds to not liking that thing. Then, one magical day, you will try the thing you once craved so much and think “hey this is actually not THAT great” which brings us to the next point:

Mindful Consumption

When you slip up and consume whatever you are giving up, truly be mindful about how that thing makes you feel. Is the cigarette making you happy or is taking a break from your day to go outside making you happy? Is the craft beer making you happy or is the friend you are sharing it with making you happy? Are manicures making you happy or is the idea of taking care of yourself making you happy?

Usually there is a deeper level to the happiness that comes with consumption. The things that we crave as humans: social connection, relaxation, satiation, etc. are not inherent in the things that we chose to give up. In fact, there is almost always a better way to achieve the same goal. For me, the “de-stressing” glass of wine after a tough day at work is probably not actually reducing my stress as much as any number of other scientifically proven activities (a good exercise session, meditation, a hot bath, even a cup of chamomile tea).

Action: identify the underlying goal of your consumption. Make a list of at least 10 things that achieve the same goal but in a different way.

Reflect

Lastly, it can help to look back at the past and evaluate the side effects of your behavior. Many of my own past drinking sessions were not quite as nice in hindsight. Sure that night out dancing at the club was fun, but did I really need alcohol to enjoy it? The next morning when I was puking and realized I drunkenly lost my wallet definitely wasn’t fun.

The same applies to any other thing you want to give up. Did excessive spending mean you couldn’t afford to buy your niece a birthday present or get your full 401k match? Did drinking too much soda lead to a depressing conversation with your doctor about pre-diabetes, make you feel lethargic, or embarrassed about the extra weight? There must be a reason you are choosing to give this thing up. Tap into those emotions and capture them to a place you can reference when you forget why you wanted to give up this thing in the first place. Don’t succumb to shame or embarrassment, but be grateful to your brain for trying to help you by giving you those feelings.

Action: write a journal of the notable times you consumed the thing you are trying to give up. What were you truly feeling? If you were giving advice to a close friend, would you recommend that they do what you have done?

Have you successfully given up something?

What did you give up? What strategies worked or didn’t work?